A tiefling, a drow, a kobold walk into a Underdark
by Karrenchick
Summary: Just a quick story I did for fun. Valen gets mocked, warning. Done.
1. Chapter 1

This fanfic is for teens with a bit of, bam? Don't read it if never played game, only like the later part where Valen and the rest join up. Not suggested for Deekin haterz. Yes, I spelled that with a 'z'. Got a problem with it?

Disclaimer: If I owned this game, there would be more head bashing. 'Nuff said.

A tiefling, a drow and a kobold walk into a Underdark...

One

Valen, Amanda and Deekin would camping in the Underdark. 'Cause they wanted to and they could. Amanda was a drow paladin and had traveled with Deekin Scalesinger awhile, they had created one huge monster, both of them. Deekin was a tiny kobold who was a bard. He was fiesty towards Valen and a bit off a kiss-up to the boss when he wasn't being a pain in someone's butt. Valen? We all know him. Amanda the drow, goofy as ever, sat near a fire sneaking away some cooking items. As soon as Deekin saw this he lunged toward his boss.

Valen, who wanted to sleep peacefully as dinner cooked, woke up, unamused and startled.

"Boss! Noes! Not agains!," cried a little kobold holding on to a kitchen bag for dear life.

"Deekin, will you please hand me the bag so I can cook dinner? I know what I did wrong...," Amanda tried but failed as Deekin shrieked 'no'.

"What in the name of-?!," Valen wondered as he sat up. Amanda was chasing the kobold to hell and back for that bag.

"Kobold. Stop now." Valen commanded, Deekin jumped up and bit his hand then ran some more. Valen was furious as he grabbed the bag, Amanda, the legs. Deekin started to whine as he still clutched the bag so Valen, with a firece pull...

took the bag! Deekin was now in tears and explained, "We once killed a man with cooking! He be asking for food, we be on road, and we say 'ok'. Before we's knew it, he be dead after tasting soup!"

Valen now looked horrified and dropped the bag, Amanda dived at the bag and her and Deekin huddled away, sad at the memories.

"I'll cook..." Valen stated reached over for the bag, "give it over."

"Noo!" Amanda whined, Valen started to pull on the bag, Deekin and Amanda pulling on the other side. Realising he was losing he grabbed Amanda's sword and cut off their bags end.

Soon...

Amanda and Deekin pouted in a corner, far away from Valen as he cooked. When the food was done he served it to them.

"This be bland! When you put in poison mushrooms?" Deekin questioned staring at the stew that lay before him.

"Yeah, yeah!" Amanda agreed bouncing a little. Valen rolled his eyes and fell asleep on the cot. He promised himself he would try not to kill them in their sleep.

Maybe...

End 2

Short. Short. Short!


	2. Chapter 2

This'll be the last one, awwww! I know. And it's because I just wanted this story to get a few jokes that have been at my mind and torturing me. Sorry, but it's ending.

Disclaimer: Take it away Deekin!

Deekin: Author not own game. Bioware, Wizards of the Coast and maybes another one own the game, Deekin forgot. Wells, point is, author no own game.

Deekin, nice job, but I'm afraid that I'm not paying you and- OH GOD! AAAAAAH! QUIT BITING MY LEG OFF AA-

Two

Valen has shockingly not killed the two in their sleep! So, they all got up.

Amanda suddenly let out a loong gasp and exlaimed, "OMG! What are we doing?! What is that?!"

Deekin sighed, "Boss, that be the goat-man. And we is getting up." Amanda gave a relieved sigh and said, "Good, I was afraid the tax-collecter had come."

"Does she usualy do that??" Valen asked Deekin, not phased by the 'goat-man' nick-name.

"Sometimes." Deekin shrugged.

"Seriously, what is our mission?" Amanda asked, "And why is goat-man here again?"

Valen started hitting his head repeatedly, "Gods... this is the hero to save us... a mouse would be better..."

"Hey! Themsh micesh can be pretty darn evilsh!" Amanda shouted, her mouth full of food that Deekin had prepared.

"Oh, Deekin adds poison mushroom boss!" Deekin grinned then gave Valen a dirty look.

"Yay!" Amanda cheered then started to gag and choke then fall over dead.

"... how did you start cooking without me knowing?" Valen asked Deekin, who shrugged again.

"It's ok everyone! I used the Relic Of The Reaper! It- heeey. Why is no one crying over my corpse?" Amanda stated coming back to life.

"Deekin wanted to finish soup first." Deekin clarified.

"Because I don't really care." Valen said dryly.

"Well... you... you're a..." Amanda started then stopped, "a GOAT-MAN."

Valen just walked away, and was never to be seen again, actually he became famous for writing a book called 'How to deal with the worst people ever'. However, Deekin's 'Shadows of Undrentide' book was even more famous, and the two fought it out with name-calling. Deekin won. He got a piggy-back ride from Valen.

THE END.

Oh, and Amanda and Deekin were pro-cookers in their spare time.

Hmm, I do believe this was the most random story I've ever written.


	3. Chapter 3

IT HAS RETURNED. YOU ASKED FOR IT, NOW IT HAS RETURNED... What, you ask, has returned? Why, my very own 'A tiefling, a drow, and a kobold walk into a Underdark'! Now, let's give some thanks!

Zovesta: Thankz for reviewing so much!

Penname wa Silver B: Thankz. Yeah, your story rocked. Hehe, cute joke.

Disclaimer: I don't own Neverwinter Nights, darnit!

ON-WARD

Three

"WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?!"

"Hush, I'm all angsty! I have brought you here because I need some bad guys, the other rebels aren't good enough." Said a voice in the corner of the black and red painted room. They stepped out of the shadows and it was OH NOES! THE VALSHARESS!

"No, I mean that's ok, but what are we doing in this ROOM? It's tacky!" Amanda explained.

"Um.. I- I don't know... I- well I just thought it was a cool room and-" Valsharess started then began to cry.

"Deekin not sure if Deekin would lose readers if Deekin put this in..." Deekin stated dryly, having his quill and book out.

"Why am I still with you?" Valen groaned at the other side of the room.

"Because I need an angsty tiefling around. Besides, we're suposed to be in love, according to the hand-book." Amanda clarified, pointing at the 'Neverwinter Nightz for Dummiez Handbook, durr'.

"Yeah, durrrr!" Amanda and Deekin said together at Valsharess and Valen.

"Well, I'm sure that it says that I am suposed to fall in love with NORMAL people, not _you._" Valen shrugged.

"MEAN GOAT-MAN!" Amanda shrieked like a banshie then started jumping up and down, stomping, foaming at the mouth and throwing herself out the window. Deekin quickly scurried after.

"Yeah, goat-man." Valsharess said then left too, forgetting why she was even there.

Valen sighed and quickly swallowed some pills. He sat in the corner of the room and began to write angsty goth poetry. Then he scribbled it out and went off to write a sequel to his book.

And so...

"So you say you're Mephistopheles?" Amanda asked the big devil guy.

"YES. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!" Mephistopheles screamed.

"I dunno, we joined the Valsharess if you didn't know." Amanda shrugged.

"I gathered." Mephistopheles sighed.

"You gathered poison mushrooms for us to eat finally?!" Deekin squealed.

"No..." Mephistopheles said blunty.

"Speaking of poison mushrooms, it's time to eat!" Amanda clarfied, then started gnawing on Deekin's head, leaving alot of drool behind. Deekin shooed her away from his stupendous kobold head and wiped away the drool.

"You're not any fun!" Amanda whined then started gnawing on Mephistopheles's head. He did the same thing as Deekin, then Amanda attempted to gnaw on her own head. After several hours, she gave up. And so, they raided the rebels in the war, and won!

THE END

I always wanted to see if I could do that in the game, join the Valsharess, but I never could. Honestly, I like the rebels though.


End file.
